Just Words - My Last Trip (Literally)

Here's a riddle for you - What goes meow, hiss, bump, thump, splat and swears like a drunken sailor, in the middle of the night?

Me, tripping over my cat and going flip flop down the last six steps, landing in a sore heap at the bottom.

Yes, this is what happened the night before last. I was going downstairs, and I didn't turn on the hall light, and I didn't see my black cat lying on the steps halfway down the stairs. I'm not sure where the cat went, but I know where I went - in a slow motion dive to the bottom, leaving from a standing position and ending up front-side down. Nikkie came zooming down to see what happened - I didn't see her coming, but I do believe she outrun the time she saw the tarantula loose in the bedroom and came flying downstairs with no feet touching the risers. Howard stumbled out of the bedroom and asked if I was okay - I said I didn't know (at that point I thought I had several broken bones, lacerations, sprains, dislocations and concussions) but when I told him I tripped over the cat, he seemed to think that was one more reason not to have a cat, and went back to bed. I heard Steve come in from locking up his work truck, then he also flew downstairs. By then I was almost back on my feet, and he helped me into the den.

(I'm sorry I don't have pics, but none of my family thought to grab a cell phone on the way. Actually, I'm more grateful than sorry.)

By then, I was pretty sure my big toe got the worst of it, as it was the sorest part of me. However, the next morning, it was okay, and my left shoulder, collar bone area and upper arm decided to come alive. I think I twisted and landed on these parts. Which was unfortunate, because I have a lot of other parts that are better padded than these. 

However, I came out lucky, I guess. No broken bones, not even any bruises that I can see .... but it's still not far enough in the past that I can laugh about it. Now the worst thing is that my Tylenol Arthritis pills don't handle Pain Caused By Extreme Clumsiness, and I can't take any other painkillers because I'm on the highest dose of Tylenol - so the pharmacist told me. I told Nikkie maybe I should just go and buy a flask of gin. But I didn't. The last one I bought evaporated so quickly, I only got one sorta kinda Tom Collins out of it.