JUNE 13 - The Everyday Housewife, Rhyme Time, and a Dead Flower

Today, I was mostly an everyday housewife, who gave up my good life for my husband. I spent time with a couple of grandkids, emptied kitty litter lumps, did dishes, cooked dinner, swept/vacuumed/mopped - depending on what was crumbly, cathairy, or dirty - made a bed, rearranged a kitchen that used to be fine but needed rearranging after my hubby rearranged it last weekend, tidied up my Riting Room, and made pudding. The last was for me, all me, burp.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LonUQ5o-vLc

Glen Campbell doesn't really tell it like it was, except the good life part. And the wrinkles that weren't there yesterday, although there were a lot there yesterday too. I wasn't going to marry a different young man, unless you count Davey Jones or Peter Noone, and there certainly weren't line-ups of fellers at Auntie Evelyn's door.

But, I do like the everyday housewifey thing every now and then, since I've spent so many days away from home.

I just hauled out the writing binder I kept when my dear friend Roxie and I did creative writing courses a few years ago, and had a read through, trying to get some incentive to start the tap tap tapping thing again. I came across an assignment I'd like to share with you, and my poetic take on it - it is pretty long, but stems from 8 poorly written sentences that we had to rewrite. I did that - then I did this!  Hope you enjoy!


1. It seemed to Jason that his brother had kind of disappeared during a game of Hide and Seek.  

'Get out, get out,' our mamma said
As she smoked while kneading bread
And so we played some Hide and Seek
Out behind the old back shed.

The air turned cool, the sky turned red
It soon would be time for our bed
And though we couldn't find young Zeke
We found an old stray cat instead.

With only four of us inside
The cot we shared seemed very wide
And ma and pa were having fun
They said they'd make another one.

2. It takes at least an hour to heat up chili.

With all these rumblings in my gut

My stomach thinks my throat is cut

The chili popsicle will take

At least one hour more to bake.

3. 'Mom should be home in half an hour,' stated Jason coldly.

Jason sits down in the mess

He's wearing Mother's brand new dress

Her closet door is hanging loose

He couldn't find the matching shoes.

Nothing seems to go just right

His makeup looks an awful fright

He sniffs and heads off to the shower

For she'll be home in half an hour.

4. 'Pass the salt,' Marietta said.

Marietta's in the kitchen

Can't you hear her in there bitchin'?

She'll say the slop is not her fault, 

And tell you to keep adding salt.

5. The handle of the bat was smashed into my eye by Herb. 

I yelled at Herb, he just struck out, 

The poorest play so far, no doubt

I told him he was just a loser

Probably a secret boozer

I said he played just like a girl

And then he gave the bat a whirl

And like a missile it did fly

And landed smack dab in my eye.

6. He saw the tip of the flag protruding from the backpack and perceived that it had been hidden there by Jack.

The summit reached far in the sky

We planned to reach it by and by

The flag we took to plant up there

Was bright and jazzy, big and square

It weighed a lot, that was a fact

And so I gave the flag to Jack

I figured, being strong and tall,

He'd hardly notice it at all.

And so we hiked up to the clouds

And I lagged far behind the crowd

I thought I would have been the first

But as for speed, mine was the worst.

I slithered in an hour behind

With suicide firm in my mind

And as I rolled from front to back

I felt a sharpness from my pack.

I turned my head and what the heck -

That flag was stabbing in my neck

And so I stumbled up to Jack

And with a shriek I pushed his back

And I just watched and waved and smiled

As he rolled downhill for a mile

The next time I go up that track

I won't invite my buddy Jack.

7. Armand, wearing an elegant red cummerbund beneath his tuxedo, stepped forward to request a dance from Elsa, whose plunging neckline left little to the imagination, while the band played the same Strauss waltz that they'd played on the night Sir Milos Resterman had been killed in that very ballroom.

The band plays on, the dancers dance

All dressed up fine, they turn and prance

Armand is gushing over Elsa

The music turns into a salsa

And as he swirls her on the floor

Her ample bosom bounces more

This pleases him to no extent

(He's not a very tactful gent)

And when the band slows down its beat

He doesn't let her off her feet

But squeezes her tight to his chest

And thinks that waltzing her is best.

Of course, poor Elsa, in his arms

Knows well how much he likes her charms

Pulls out a gun and shoots him dead

And with a hateful voice, she said

'Go join Sir Milos, see how many

Knockers are in hell, if any,

One thing true though, you may say

Now I've sent two more boobs that way.'

8. Reba felt as unbelievably sad as if she'd lost her dearest and best friend and sobbed with uncontrollable emotion until she felt Dwayne take her in his arms with his wonderful, incredible tenderness.

Armand is gone, poor Reba wept

Because a gal with hair upswept

Caught him staring nonstop at her breast

Now I'm alone and life is tough

I'll have to clean hotels and stuff

And even give up all my beauty rest.

Oh what the heck, now here comes Dwayne

He's such a royal bloody pain

But wait - he owns a disco and a spa

Oh hold me tightly, shining knight

Of course I'll stay with you tonight

And as for this old dump of mine - ta ta.

Well, I don't know about you, but that was fun for me, going through my old stuff. These classes were lots of fun, and provided us all with ideas, incentives, and feedback, which really helped us get creative with our words.

And by the way, I DO have a crumbling flower that's withered with age, and a memory to go with it. Life is good.